She’s Just PMSing: The Trope That Silences Real Pain

How a sitcom punchline became medical gaslighting in disguise.

By Ananya Grover

This is Part 1 of our 4-part series, “That time of the month” where we unpack the cultural, scientific, and technological layers of lesser-discussed aspects of menstrual health.

Think about the Barbie movie scene where Gloria delivers her viral monologue on the impossible contradictions of womanhood, and you can almost hear an off-screen voice cutting in with a smirk: “Relax… is it that time of the month?” It’s the same energy as Rahul brushing off Anjali in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, or the throwaway gag in a sitcom when a woman dares to be angry, sad, or simply not smiling.

Pop culture has turned PMS into a lazy punchline - a conversational “mute button” for women’s emotions, a way to discredit anything a woman says or feels. This trope isn’t a harmless joke. It’s a weapon of dismissal that seeps into our workplaces, relationships, and even our healthcare. It’s a powerful tool used to take a woman’s experience, her pain, her anger, her truth—and shrink it into something biologically inconvenient and, therefore, unworthy of serious consideration. And when society keeps telling you your pain isn’t real, it’s far too easy to start believing it.

This isn’t just cultural; it’s medical too. When doctors dismiss or minimize women’s symptoms as “stress” or “just hormones,” it’s called medical gaslighting. And for women with PMS or PMDD, it can take over a decade of suffering before they’re believed.

This series is about taking that weapon apart, piece by piece.

How "PMS" Became a Punchline

While women have documented cyclical symptoms for centuries, the term "Premenstrual Syndrome" (PMS) was only formally described in the 1930s and popularized in the 1950s. Almost immediately, cultural narratives latched onto it, not as a legitimate medical condition, but as a convenient explanation for "irrational" female behavior. It played perfectly into the age-old myth that women are ruled by their chaotic reproductive organs, an idea stretching back to the ancient theory of the "wandering womb."

Instead of leading to compassionate understanding, the label became a cultural shorthand for "crazy, bitchy, hormonal." It gave society a permission slip to stop listening the moment a woman’s feelings became inconvenient. From Friends to frat-boy comedies, “PMSing” became sitcom shorthand for “crazy woman.” The cultural joke bled into medicine with real consequences.

It Isn’t Just About Being "Moody"

The pop-culture version of PMS is a caricature. It’s about craving chocolate and being a little cranky. While PMS itself is a cluster of 150 different symptoms and ranges in severity with some women experiencing nothing at all, the reality for many can be a different beast entirely.

 As part of my work building HealCycle, a hormonal health app and community, I make sure to also delineate the difference between PMS and its far more severe, and criminally under-recognized, sibling: Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD).

• Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS): This is common, affecting as many as 3 in 4 menstruating people. Symptoms can be mild to moderate and include bloating, breast tenderness, fatigue, and irritability. They can be managed, but they are real and can disrupt life.

• Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD): This is not PMS. PMDD is a clinical mood disorder and a neuroendocrine condition that affects up to 1 in 20 women. It's a severe nervous system response to normal hormone fluctuations. The symptoms are debilitating and can destroy lives. They include:

  • Severe depression, hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal thoughts.

  • Intense anger, rage, and interpersonal conflict.

  • Panic attacks and debilitating anxiety.

  • A feeling of being completely out of control.

  • Brain fog, fatigue, and physical pain that can make it impossible to function.

From our Interviews and surveys with women in India and abroad while developing the HealCycle app, we found that there are other symptoms too, such as sleep difficulties and conditions like fibromyalgia, which are sometimes missed out on. 

In essence, for someone with PMDD, the week or two before their period isn't just uncomfortable; it's a descent. It's like becoming a different person, watching yourself alienate loved ones and sabotage your life, only to "wake up" when your period starts (ironically, the actual period days can feel like a relief), left to clean up the wreckage. 

This isn’t moodiness. It’s a mental and physical hijacking. And the fatigue,  often brushed off as “laziness,” can be so overwhelming that even basic functioning feels impossible.

 The 12-Year Diagnosis Gap: Undiagnosed and Misunderstood

Here's the most infuriating part: an estimated 90% of individuals with PMDD are undiagnosed. Patients, as per a survey by the International Association of Premenstrual Disorders, spend an average of 12 years seeking help before getting an accurate diagnosis.

Why? Because the system is primed to dismiss them. They are told:

• "It's all in your head."

• "You're just being dramatic."

• "Every woman goes through this, you just need to toughen up."

Doctors and therapists, lacking sufficient training in this area, often misdiagnose PMDD as bipolar disorder or general anxiety, leading to ineffective treatments. The very tool that should bring clarity—a medical diagnosis—becomes another barrier, another voice telling a woman that her reality isn't real.

Medical Gaslighting 101: When Doctors Don’t Listen

When society constantly tells you your pain isn't real, you start to believe it. This is a form of medical gaslighting. You question your own sanity. You internalize the blame.

In relationships, partners feel confused and hurt by the monthly shift in personality. Without the framework of severe PMS or PMDD, it just looks like you're "being mean," leading to fights and breakups. At work, how do you explain to your boss that for ten days a month, you can barely get out of bed or form a coherent thought? You can’t. So you push through, your performance suffers, and career opportunities are lost. 

But perhaps worst of all, within yourself: the guilt is crushing. You see the hurt in your family's eyes. You hate the person you become. It erodes your self-worth until you feel defined by your worst days.

And while all of this happens, research into women’s health lags behind. Clinical trials overwhelmingly focus on men, period pain is considered “normal” (and therefore under-studied), and conditions like PMDD remain underfunded.

It's Time to Stop Laughing and Start Listening

This isn't a niche "women's issue." It's a public health crisis hiding in plain sight.

For some lucky women, the premenstrual luteal phase feels like a breeze. But the dismissal of PMS and PMDD is particularly damaging for those already living on the margins. For neurodivergent individuals with conditions like ADHD or autism, the cyclical hormonal shifts can pour gasoline on their existing challenges with executive function and emotional regulation. For Indian women, who already face suffocating social and cultural norms and taboos around menstrual health and systemic bias in healthcare, even getting the acknowledgement that this is a real issue they need support with can be a challenge. 

We need to dismantle the trope. We must replace the punchline with compassion, the stigma with science, and the dismissal with data. 

Your pain is not a joke. Your experience is valid. And it’s time we all started acting like it.

In Part 2, we'll dive further into PMDD: the science of what's actually happening in the brain and body during the luteal phase, sharing lived experiences, and what can be done.